By Andy Hale
Why do the people we love most sometimes bring out our strongest reactions? A criticism lands the wrong way, a familiar disagreement resurfaces, we feel misunderstood and suddenly connection gives way to defensiveness. This week on the CBF Podcast Conversation, Andy Hale welcomes clinical psychologist and author Dr. Kelly Flanagan to discuss his new book, The Road Less Triggered: Turning Conflict into Connection with a Single Choice. Drawing from decades of clinical work and his own experiences in relationships, Kelly explores what happens in those split-second moments when our hearts begin to close and why learning to notice them can transform the way we relate to one another.
At the center of Kelly’s approach is the practice of openheartedness: choosing to remain present to a moment even when it is uncomfortable, disappointing or painful. Andy and Kelly explore why being triggered narrows our emotional options, how anger and defensiveness often protect something more vulnerable beneath the surface, and why curiosity can interrupt the familiar road toward conflict. Rather than treating our reactive moments as relational failures, Kelly invites us to see them as opportunities to become more aware of ourselves and more compassionate toward the people around us.
For marriages, families, friendships, congregations and communities, the implications are significant. Conflict may be inevitable, but disconnection does not have to be. The Road Less Triggered offers a different path, one built not around controlling another person’s behavior, but around noticing what is happening within ourselves and choosing connection over protection again and again. What might change in our relationships if, when our hearts begin to close, we learned how to open them instead?
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This podcast is presented by:
- Baylor’s Garland School of Social Work: Social workers can be found addressing the full scope of the human experience in churches, schools, prisons, government agencies, senior living centers, nonprofits, and Fortune 500 companies.
- Baptist Seminary of Kentucky: BSK equips leaders through their Homegrown Initiative, offering ministry leaders training and growth that fits into their busy schedules.
- The Gardner-Webb School of Divinity: The Gardner-Webb University School of Divinity aims to equip, nurture, encourage, and support men and women for their very best service in the Kingdom of God.
- The Center for Congregational Health: Strengthening congregations through consulting, leadership coaching, and intentional ministry.
- The Baptist House of Studies at Union Presbyterian Seminary: Exists by God’s grace to educate, inspire, and support generations of bold, faithful servant leaders as they seek actively to participate in God’s mission in the world.
- Community Transformation Center: Through educational opportunities, community conversations, and research initiatives in collaboration with universities and local leaders, PBACTC is at the forefront of integrating spiritual care into holistic community development.
- Creation Justice Ministries: Creation Justice Ministries equips churches to turn conviction into faithful action with Scripture-based resources, worship guides, and community support to pursue environmental justice and care for God’s creation.
- Dawnings: Through prayerful discernment, storytelling, and collaborative visioning, Dawnings helps churches rediscover their calling and imagine their next chapter—guided by trained facilitators and grounded in God’s ongoing story.
- Congregational Ministries Team of CBF Global: Through coaching, resources, and collaborative support, CBF’s Congregational Ministries Team helps churches and ministers cultivate the five traits of thriving—Rooted Relationships, Compelling Clarity, Holy Tenacity, Strategic Agility, and Dynamic Collaboration—for faithful and flourishing ministry.
- Karis Parenting: Looking for a gift for new families, resource options for Children’s Moments, or even just a beautiful book to read at home with your preschoolers? Karis Parenting is here to help. Karis Parenting is an independent publisher from First Baptist Church of Asheville.
- Faith X: We work with congregations, judicatories, and denominational bodies to assess their strengths and weaknesses, explore missional opportunities and challenges in the neighborhoods they serve, and leverage their strengths to engage community issues. We achieve this through data-grounded consulting, training, and coaching approach.
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Andy Hale is the creator and host of the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship Podcast. Hale is the Associate Executive Coordinator of CBF North Carolina. He’s also served as CBF’s Church Start Specialist, the founding pastor of Mosaic Church of Clayton, and the senior pastor of University Baptist Church of Baton Rouge. Follow on Twitter @haleandy.