By Gennady Podgaisky
About seven years ago, a Ukrainian lady asked us for parenting advice. My wife and I have known her for many years while living in Kyiv, Ukraine. During our session, she shared with us that her son, who was in his early twenties, was making wrong decisions and had moved out of their house. While he was still at home, they often argued and fought over differing moral values and goals in life. Both are Christians and have been struggling with what happened between them.
We recommended that she release him to the Lord, let him make his own mistakes and reap its consequences, do not correct or shame him, keep the channels of communication open and make a conscious decision to forgive him and strive for reconciliation. I explained that forgiveness starts with only one person (her), and it is her decision to release her son’s debt and not desire to collect it. This decision may lead to reconciliation, and reconciliation may lead to restoration of relationships.
The Lord is faithful and will see her and him through this break in relationship, even if it takes some time. I read a passage from the book of Proverbs: “Dedicate your children to God and point them in the way that they should go, and the values they’ve learned from you will be with them for life” (Prov. 22:6, TPT). She did dedicate him to the Lord, teach him her values and point to him the way he should go.
She followed our advice, and they had some level of reconciliation and communication throughout the years, despite some distance and strain between them. Recently, she scheduled a counseling meeting with us for an unrelated issue. At the end of our session, with great joy, she shared with us about the total restoration of the relationship with her son.
Not long ago, her son called her and scheduled an urgent meeting with her. During the meeting, he said that the Lord was working with him and convicting him. He asked forgiveness for his unwise actions and decisions from seven years ago, the actions that brought so much pain and suffering to the whole family. He could not believe that seven years ago, she was able to release him, that she allowed him to go his own way, and make his own mistakes.
He cried and asked her to forgive him again and again. They both cried and hugged. She did not need to forgive him at that meeting; she did it many years ago and was faithful to keep her part of the process going. Now this mother has a very deep and trusting relationship with her adult son. Restoration does happen…even if it takes seven years!